6 Trial Run

Our blogs have offered logical reasons based on available comparisons and examples to back our campaign for a cat to be queen, yet the fairest way to demonstrate which approach is best would be a trial run.

What we would be looking for is to see whether the Cat Queen model produces better results. The first metric would be the number of tourists visiting royal residences. Raw numbers offer quantifiable data and focuses on actual activity, and thus be largely impartial. We believe that making these fantastic and lavish palaces open to the public would see visitor numbers soar and a trial would see a fair comparison between both sides.

Other metrics should be considered at the same time. If you have any ideas what you would like them to be then write your thoughts in the comment section below!

Whilst it would be nice if the Mountbatten-Windsor family could step aside for say 1 to 5 years to allow this trial to go ahead, it is unlikely. Therefore, we suggest a smaller location to run our trial. We recommend that Scotland adopts the Cat Queen model.

Scotland is an ideal location for the following reason: the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, the Princess Royal, the Duke of York, Princess Beatrice of York, Princess Eugenie, the Earl and Countess of Wessex, the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester, the Duke and Duchess of Kent, Princess Alexandra and Prince and Princess Michael of Kent (all of whom require subsidised residences for some reason), all live in London (source). This means that there would be no disruption to their regular lives should the trial take place in Scotland.

I actually live in Scotland, so I'm already more qualified

Data is available for visitor numbers to palaces in Scotland, so a comparison would be straight forward. As an added bonus, St Andrew’s Day (30th of November) is also the day Hecate is celebrated (the Greek Goddess most associated with cats).

There would be a little bit of paperwork required. The current monarch has the following official title:

‘Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith’. (source) 

During the trial period, this would be reduced to:

‘Elizabeth The Second, by the Grace of God, of England, Wales and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith’, which I think is snappier anyway. And, since there hasn’t been a Queen Elizabeth the First of Scotland, it helps to avoid that particular bugbear.

David Starr, a man who has a better title than the Queen

'The Cream In Your Coffee, Your Favourite Wrestler's Favourite Wrestler, The Jewish Cannon, The Physical Embodiment of Charisma, The Bernie Sanders of Professional Wrestling, The Most Entertaining Man in Professional Wrestling, Mr Americanrana, Davey Wrestling, The 104 Minute Man, The Main Event, "He's really good at Twitter", The King of Taunts, The Product - David Starr!'

The title has been changed before; in 1953 the monarch’s title was ‘Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas, Queen, Defender of the Faith’, so there is precedence. 

The Cat Queen would probably take the title: ‘(Name), by agreement of those who live in Scotland on a trial basis Queen, Scratcher of Posts, Chaser of Laser Pen Dots, Provider of Occasional Cuddles, Defender against wild rodents.’

What's in a name? That which we call Tuna Flakes by any other name would smell as tasty!

What title would you give our Cat Queen? Where else would be a good choice for a trial? Write your thoughts in the comments section below!

Beira Nevis.